CONFLICT RESOLUTION

This week’s early childhood studies involved a deep look into conflict resolution.  As I learn about the various strategies and skills that are necessary for successful resolution, I am able to test these skills in conflict that I currently am experiencing in my home.  My husband has been severely health challenged for the past two years, and the entire family has suffered greatly.  After approximately 13 months of being debilitated in hospitals and rehabilitation facilities, my husband came home eight weeks ago with an enormous amount of built up bitterness, anger and hostility towards me.  During his incapacitation I had to take on his responsibilities of caring for the business and financial matters of our house.  This temporary responsibility afforded me with information about the poor state of our accounts, which I was fortunate to be able to reestablish and maintain a good status until now.  Since he has returned home, transferring things back into his hands has been turmoil—his need to feel in control and desire to handle his own finances has resulted in several dangerous displays of anger on his part, due to his inability to express his needs and feelings effectively.  

The strategies that I have been testing on this situation have been to (1) to listen and identify the unmet needs of my husband (Billikopf, 2007); (2) present a broad range of solutions to the disagreement about his ability to handle all of the regained responsibilities of household business; and (3)  seek out a mediator that would help us to obtain a better perspective on transforming our destructive arguing into constructive change (The Third Side, n.d.).  My concerns are whether or not my husband’s insecurities would allow him to receive anything perceptually besides negative messages constituted by his beliefs that I have undermined his manhood by proving his methods of business dealing were ineffective.  What do you think, and how would you handle this situation?

References

Billikopf, G. (2009, August). Conflict management skills. Retrieved from http://cnr.berkeley.edu/ucce50/ag-labor/7labor/13.htm

The Third Side. (n.d.). The third side: Overview. Retrieved from http://www.thirdside.org/overview.cfm

WHO AM I AS A COMMUNICATOR?

In retrospect, I’ve learned many things about my effectiveness or ineffectiveness as a communicator.  The one thing that most surprised me is how I perceive myself versus how others perceive me.  It’s one thing to believe that I am an excellent listener and nonaggressive when it comes to expressing my views; but, it is totally different when someone else views you to be something totally opposite from what you thought you were portraying.  On the other hand, it can be quite refreshing and most rewarding when you attempt to portray certain attributes as a competent communicator, and find that your audience perceives you as such too.  All in all, my current studies about effective communication have led me to the following insights:

•           It is essential to develop an effective variation of listening styles that are most appropriate for the situation in which I am communicating. There will be times when the situation may call for efficiency in carrying out an action, or an imperativeness to focus on detailed information before making decisions, or an adherence to a very meticulous schedule; my ability to listen effectively and yet accomplish specific action, content, and time-oriented goals is imperative to my ability to become a competent communicator (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009).

•           It is imperative to acquire and/or to strengthen Active/Reflective listening skills. The most useful listening skills are those that demonstrate genuine interest in understanding what the other person is relaying, as well as taking the time to verify their intended meaning prior to responding with our own new message.  Reciprocity in giving and in receiving messages with the verifying of the correct intent of the messages is what makes communicating most effective (Nadig, 2010).

References

Nadig, L. A. (2010). Tips on effective listening. Retrieved from http://www.drnadig.com/listening.htm

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

COMMUNICATION AND CULTURE

Cultural Myopia—it is an elaborate term for yet another type of discriminatory supremacy, which views one’s own culture appropriate and relevant in all situations and to all people (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009); and unfortunately, it has touched the life of every human being in some way, shape, or form.  The key to its resolve is to first recognize its existence, and then address it accordingly.  Through my recent study of this condition, I have come to recognize that I, myself, have communicated differently with people from different groups and cultures.  Whether it was intentionally or unintentionally done to discriminate against or to validate uniqueness, my communication has been laced with my own personal beliefs about my religious culture being relevant in all situations for all people.  Based on what I have learned, here are three strategies I’ve decided to implement in order to help me communicate more effectively with people or religious groups that differ from my own:

·         Use self-reflection as a guiding mechanism for implementing successful communication (Vuckovic, 2008) – the purpose of self-reflection is to increase my awareness of my own culture, personality, identity as it relates to my religion or situation, as well as other factors; this will increase my recognition of habits, intentions, and emotions that I may have that carry pre-judgments which are not substantiated by truth. The unveiling of such biases brings about the opportunity for me to fix the hurtful perceptions and communication styles that pose a problem.

·         Choose a communication style that presents the communication partner with the same level of meaning as it relates to the factual or emotional content of the messages (Vuckovic, 2008) – bringing the topic of discussion to the same page or level of meaning  for the communication partner creates a more equalized playing field; selecting appropriate topics and reflecting on my tone of voice, expressions, reactions, and hundreds of other factors influencing my communication style can help me to be more mindful of other’s feelings with the hope of potentially alleviating misrepresented messages.

·         Identify the communication moderators—habits, intentions and feelings—that hinder effective communication (Vuckovic, 2008) – the behavioral expressions of my habits, intentions and feelings can carry culturally influenced communicative meanings, which may entail hidden microaggressions (Sue, 2010).  Recognizing and identifying these potentially hazardous communication glitches, and replacing them with effective communication strategies, can aid me in fostering a more open, honest and friendly attitude towards others despite our differences.   Taking such steps will help to alleviate unintentional acts of cultural myopia.

References

Sue, D. W. (2010). Microaggressions in everyday life: Race, gender, and sexual orientation. New York, NY: Wiley.

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

COMMUNICATION SKILLS: LANGUAGE, NONVERBAL, LISTENING

In order to truly understand the skills of communication, they must be tested.  Therefore, I watched a television program called, iQ’Viva! The Chosen (n.d.), starring Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, in order to see if I can appropriately detect nonverbal cues in their original intent.  First, I watched the show without hearing the volume, and it appeared as though in some cases Jennifer Lopez was giving some bad news to a family who had just sung a song to her.  Later, viewing it with the volume turned up, I was able to see that she was not delivering bad news, but was just using accenting, or nonverbal behaviors used for emphasizing specific information in a verbal message (O’Hair & Wienmann, 2009).  In another segment of the show, [with the volume down again] it appeared that Marc Anthony and Jennifer  were giving each other intimate glances; but, in fact, they were making jokes at each other with snide remarks.  There were many instances of channel discrepancy, two sets of behavior given by one person that have conflicting messages, between them throughout the show (O’Hair & Wienmann, 2009).  The assumptions that I made about the nonverbal cues that were gleaned were possibly due to my unfamiliarity with Jennifer and Marc, and how they respond and communication with each other.  It was my assumption that they were married, therefore the glances were read in reference to this belief.  Perhaps my assumptions would have been more correct if I had been watching this show more often, and learned how the two of them really get along.

I learned the following from this experiment:

·         Nonverbal communication is ambiguous

·         Nonverbal messages can be contradicting

·         Nonverbal codes, symbols used to send messages with or without words, can be very powerful; and

·         Eye behavior and language interpretation has a lot to do with relational and situational context

References

iQ’Viva! The Chosen (n.d.). Retrieved from http://qvivathechosen.com/

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

COMMUNICATING & COLLABORATING IN THE EARLY CHILDHOOD FIELD

The next eight weeks of study for me will be in the area of communication.  I am excited about this journey as communication is the life-blood of every lifestyle regardless of culture, ethnicity, nationality, or any other distinguishing differences within humanity.  As I prepare for this journey I am reminded of my greatest childhood mentor of communication—my father.  He was a Pentecostal preacher who believed in living according to the Word of God.  He patterned his life after the life of Jesus Christ, particularly the part where Christ listened to people and understood their needs.  My father was a very competent communicator whether he was dealing with parishioners, family members, or total strangers.  He was great at exhibiting effective communication that was appropriate for any given situation (O’Hair & Wiemann, 2009).  It is my hope and desire to model many of my own communication behaviors after this great measure of a man (Channey-White, 2011).

References

Channey-White, C. J. (2011, January 22). Personal Childhood Web. [Blog message]. Retrieved from http://judah1st.blogspot.com/

O’Hair, D., & Wiemann, M. (2009). Real communication. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s.