I was asked to write about a personal birthing experience—my own birth, my child’s birth, or someone else’s experience that I took part in. I struggled for a while trying to decide what to say. I’ve been pregnant twice in my life, and never delivered—once aborted, and once miscarried. I thought of writing about the feelings of pregnancy—feelings associated with not wanting a child as well as feelings associated with desiring to give birth-- but decided not to go there.
I’ve shared with many of you already the fact that I and my husband have adopted our son. He is the only child that we have at the time. I wasn’t present at the time of his birth, but I did have contact with his biological mother during her delivery (she called me on the phone while I was at work). Again, I was not actually there to witness the birth so I thought there wouldn’t be much to talk about there either. Then I began to reminisce about the conversations that his biological mother and I had leading up to her delivery.
I remember asking her about things like parenting classes, keeping her doctor appointments, and watching her diet. She was 18 years old when she gave birth, and all of these things were available to her during her pregnancy. She wasn’t particular about healthy food, and asking her to take vitamins was like asking a cat to jump in the lake—it ain’t gonna happen. She had a history of clinical depression, schizophrenic and bipolar behavior, and various physical challenges as well (hypertension and asthma to name a few). She had been a ward of the state for most of her life. This was her second child—the first one she had at age 12. Her residency was inconsistent, living with different people for weeks at a time.
By the time the baby was born, the embryo had undergone its deliverer’s indulgence with alcohol, various inhalants, prescription anti-depressants, and malnutrition. After the baby was born, the mother was released from the hospital the next day. During the first three months of the child’s existence he experienced poor living conditions, inappropriate feeding (due to lack of parental training), abandonment, and other associated contexts (Berger, 2009).
I chose this example to share because I believe that the birth of a child should be considered thoroughly prior to embarking upon the act of conjugation. There are so many variables that can either enhance or hinder the chance of a life being lived successfully. A child deserves to have a fair chance—without the challenges of physical and emotional weaknesses. The same care we give to choosing a car, or a house, or a pair of shoes to purchase—a child’s life should be considered before it is conceived. It’s the least we can do for them.
There are so many women, such as those in Africa, who do not have the resources available to them (Walley, 2008), and suffer death because of it. I am grateful that my son has had the plasticity (Berger, 2009) to overcome much of the damage that was caused by the negligence of a parent who would not take advantage of something that people in developing worlds would die for (Walley, 2008).
Walley, R. [Web Article]. (Dec. 16, 2008). Who cares about third world mothers? Retreived March 4, 2011, from http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/who_cares_about_third_world_mothers/
Berger, K. S. (2009). The developing person through childhood (5th ed.). New York, NY: Worth Publishers
While your son may have had some very negative and harmful experiences during some of the critical periods of development (expecially prenatally) because he was placed with you and your husband very young, there is still a great deal of influence that you can express on the sensitive periods of development. Looking at your situation through a dynamic-systems approach the fortunate influence of nuture over nature (in this situation) is certainly a plus.
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